Alternative F1 awards 2023: Ferrari, Piastri, Horner and Russell
It is that time of year when we can once again unpack the wild ride that is the F1 season; a time when we can remind ourselves of the spats, arguments, total failures and mild successes.
Red Bull’s Max Verstappen swept the board with the traditional awards, breaking multiple records as he raced (pun intended) way ahead of the pack to pick up his third world championship.
The Dutchman aside, others deserved gongs and Morning Wire is here to ensure the true stars of the F1 season shine. Strap in.
F1 Team of the year
Ferrari have become one of the few teams able to really mess up despite having a great car.
Whether it was bad pit wall calls or being over aggressive on the track, Ferrari have just got it all wrong this season and were punished by dropping to third in the Constructor Standings.
They were, however, the only non-Red Bull side to pick up a win and therefore win this by proxy. How proud they must be.
Driver of the year
Sergio Perez was the runaway winner for this award given his ability to make one of the greatest F1 cars we have ever seen look like a broken Scalextric battler.
The Mexican is clearly a talented bloke but a lot of that has been eroded by his inability to match his teammate, let alone some of the other drivers.
Team principal of the year
Described by an F1 Paddock insider as “uncharacteristically tolerable for a Ferrari boss” Frederic Vasseur takes the gong for the best team principal.
Sure, he stands in a metaphorical burning building at every race as his team falls apart around him, but that’s a lovable trait, right? It’s like having a grandparent who eats with their mouth open, you shouldn’t love them but you just can’t help it.
Quote of the year
You didn’t think we’d do these awards without Christian Horner making an appearance, did you?
It may have taken place live in 2022 but this season’s Drive to Survive featured an iconic scene where the Red Bull boss responded to Mercedes rival Toto Wolff’s complaints with “change your f*****g car”, perfectly encapsulating the privilege and entitled wealth expectation that comes with F1.
To be fair, Toto, it’s only a couple of million.
Best grid walk moment
Martin Brundle is one of F1’s institutions, his pre-race grid walk an outstanding insight to the world of celebrity culture.
Like David Attenborough narrating a herd of bison, Brundle does the same around the paddock.
His best moment came when he approached supermodel Cara Delevingne, who pretended not to hear him for an awkwardly long time before Brundle turned to the camera and sarcastically insisted that whatever she was going to say would 100 per cent have been interesting.
Hilarious. Honourable mention, too, for musician Machine Gun Kelly’s attempt at air guitar band wars.
Meme of the year
A difficult one to put in words, there have been a number of superb memes to stem from this season, from Fernando Alonso eating flowers to George Russell parting the seas (pictured). But the standout winner is Oscar Piastri’s “oops” face (also pictured).
As a man with a jetpack (yes, a jetpack) literally falls out of the sky, F1’s cameras pan to Piastri in his McLaren garage just in time for him to give an artistic grimace to the camera.
It could also have come across as a “I may have soiled myself” look, but we know what you’re trying to do, Oscar. Please the fans, act concerned and whatever you do: do not laugh. Mission accomplished.
Primadonna of the year
Remember when Mercedes used to be good? Yes, us too. Well they’re not anymore, not that driver George Russell would be able to tell.
He was supposed to be the new Lewis Hamilton but his car has not given him the chance to shine yet. And in a fit of arrogance on the track after events didn’t go his way in the Netherlands, he fumed: “I was forecast a podium. F***, how did we mess this up?”
Entitled much, George? At least he’s proved he can show meaningful expression, though, which is progress.
Personality of the year
Can we give the coveted personality of the year to someone who may not have stepped foot on a track this year? Yes, because we set the rules! So with that in mind, our personality of the year goes to the credits director with the audacity to make F1 drivers pose like absolute idiots.
The opening sequence sees Russell, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly and others make total fools of themselves, posing like they’re flogging the latest “coolest dad” merch.
F1 Plonker of the year
Singing national anthems is an honour at major sports events; think Lady Gaga at the SuperBowl.
Last year’s British Grand Prix saw rare Eurovision success story Sam Ryder blast out God Save The Queen in Northamptonshire to rapturous applause.
This year, however, actor and wannabe singer – much like Laurence Fox in that regard – Damian Lewis was given the task of singing God Save The King.
He did it with a single saxofonist alongside him with jazz and blues undertones.
And it was, to be nice, quite simply horrendous. Imagine an orgy for the ears of screaming cats, fingernails on a blackboard and the Bakerloo Line at full speed and you’re only semi-close to the abomination of lasting PTSD that rendition visited on millions.
Never again, Damian, never again.
So there you have it, our satirical take on the true winners of this F1 season. And it is less than 100 days until we do it all over again. Great…