EPISODE 58 – the quarterly financials
CALDICOTT runs through the quarterly financials for the Board. I bet he wishes he could run through them at the speed of Usain Bolt. The numbers mostly stink. The seats on either side of Caldicott are vacant. He’s toxic. Strikes me, though, that it’s a case of “Don’t shoot the messenger.” The real crooks are my colleagues on the prop desk and in asset management. They have dropped a bundle. Or four.
Sir Roderick stares into space, his face twisted, suggesting that Noel has just let one of his stinkiest farts ever go in poor old Rod’s vicinity. And those bad boys can linger for an hour. I realise I’m smiling at this thought and immediately suppress any sign of delight. Not good to seem to relish one’s colleagues’ failures, especially as my bonus is partly dependent on these bozos’ “best efforts”. Caldicott goes into levels of financial detail revealing the incompetence and failure of my esteemed colleagues t hat leave me losing the will to live.
I have my unopened credit card bill tucked in among my Board papers and surreptitiously I open the envelope. A couple of very expensive lunches with Caroline – ehem. And… Oh dear. I’d quite forgotten that Emma’s and my delightful single night in the Palazzo St Matteo involved a week’s rent for the pile, plus the wages of its 8 retainers. Just north of 50 grand.
Saint Matthew. Hah! Patron Saint of money, although that’s always rather amused me, as he’d been a tax collector. The very enemy of good old-fashioned spondoolicks as far as I’m concerned.
“And turning to corporate finance, in another strong quarter…” I look up. Caldicott is practically beaming. The stench around Sir Roderick seems to be diminishing.
And now I allow myself just the very slightest of gracious smiles.
City Dad will continue next Tuesday. For previous City Dad episodes, see www.cityam.com.