Holiday hell: no Blackberry
SOLVING YOUR LOVE & LIFE PROBLEMS
DEAR VEXED: My wife has banned me from using my Blackberry while we’re away for our August holiday. That’s three weeks. She claims my addiction to it is ruining our family; yet the idea of being unconnected for that long terrifies me. Help! Mark, 34, fund manager
YOU are part of a massive group and a true denizen of the digital age.
First, I recommend you read up on yourself. A quick Google search will bring up scores of articles that will explain the need to keep checking your device. How each flashing light or new message produces a dopamine squirt, similar to a boost of adrenaline, that makes you feel temporarily happy. But it fades quickly, leaving the need for more. And more, and more. Studies show that too much checking of message forums can lead to increased anxiety and depression levels.
It’s common sense, really. If you’re always in response mode, you’re giving all your power away to incoming alerts. In other words, you’re a puppet and those little beeps or flashing lights or that satisfying bolded new-message script are your puppet masters. You can’t relax in that state. Worse, the brain forms habits – in addition to chemically craving a dopamine squirt, it gets used to checking.
Your wife is providing you with a good excuse to retrain yourself. Does your Blackberry addiction make you happy? Do you honestly think your job will suffer if you’re not constantly on email – on holiday? I predict the answer to those questions is no.
But listen to her for another reason: she’s right. Being with someone who is not really there, who is always half in their screen, who values a random incoming message over being attentive to their loved ones or the person they’re with, is depressing. You’re being selfish. And you’re genuinely threatening your family.
For God’s sake, switch the damn phone off while you’re away. Check it not more than twice a day: once in the morning – once in the evening. I’d say just once would be best. If you can’t manage this, you need to try harder. Man up. Oh, and enjoy your break.
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