In praise of Count Binface
By standing in the impending by-election in Clacton, Count Binface has more than proved his worth to both comedy and democracy, says James Ford
I must confess to having a conflicted attitude to Count Binface. On the one hand, the former political adviser within me (who is, of course, a profound political snob) tends to find novelty candidates a pain in the backside. Monster raving loonies anywhere. Lenny Beige in Putney. Captain Beany in Aberavon. Lord Buckethead in Uxbridge. That bloke dressed as a fox in Makerfield. The Liberal Democrats. They are all a joke I just don’t get. And, worst of all, they are a distraction from the real issues, the real politics, and the real contenders. As far as I am concerned there are only two political parties. (And that is arguably one more than is strictly needed). All elections should, basically, be left to them to duke it out. A binary politics is, if nothing else, an efficient politics.
But secretly, deep down, I have a soft spot for the Leader of the Recyclons from Sigma IX (to give Count Binface his full title). He is not an unfunny, eye-roll inducing nod to a bizarre, British political tradition like the rest. In ancient Rome, when a successful general received a triumph, a slave stood behind him in the chariot whispering in his ear: “Remember you are just a man!” We do not need anything so baroque in modern Britain. We just make our future Prime Ministers stand next to a man dressed as a bin at their election count. And, by standing in the impending by-election in Clacton, Count Binface has more than proved his worth to both comedy and democracy.
Count Binface even has some decent policies. Ordinarily my Conservative ideology means I eschew price caps or state interventions in free markets. But I do think that croissants in coffee shops are over-priced. So, I would endorse any manifesto that has vowed to cap croissants at £1. A very modest proposal. His policy to make 99 Flake ice creams cost 99p will surely have mass appeal in an ailing seaside resort like Clacton. And it is not all crude price caps either. Making water bosses swim in polluted rivers, abolishing VAR, and forcing rule breaking cyclists to ride unicycles are admirably populist… and arguably wouldn’t sound out of place in a Reform UK manifesto. Bringing back Ceefax seems unnecessary, but every manifesto has its filler policies!
Popular momentum
And Count Binface seems to have some popular momentum behind him. Last week he was on Newsnight. This week he has topped an Ipsos poll to be the public’s top choice to win in Clacton (with an impressive 12 point lead over Farage). The odds at the bookies keep shortening too. If ever there was a time when he might just get over the line and win, it is in Clacton.
The scale of Reform UK’s miscalculation in Clacton is mindboggling. Did they really not wargame a scenario where the major parties chose not to come out and play on ground and terms of Reform’s choosing? This gamble doesn’t even change the strategic picture for Farage and Reform. Even if he wins, he still faces a standards investigation and a possible second by-election. That contest, where a by-election was forced upon the people of Clacton, would have been the time for a ‘People versus the establishment’ narrative. Instead, the people of Clacton have been asked to look at a man dressed as a dustbin and think of him as a scion of the Establishment and a stooge of the powers-that-be. If so, the Establishment seems to have a better sense of humour than any of us would have credited they with just a week or so ago.
There would be a delicious irony if Nigel Farage’s political career was to end with him losing to a bin in a by-election that he didn’t need to call. Hoist by his own petard. Brought low by his own hubris. But it just might happen. Some 53 per cent of the electorate did not vote for Farage or Reform in the 2024 general election. That is a big chunk of the electorate available to Count Binface potentially. Even if Farage does pull off a win, it will be a hollow victory. And we might all be here again in a few months.
James Ford was an advisor to former Mayor of London if Boris Johnson