My boyfriend gets drunk so often. Does he have a problem?
SOLVING YOUR WORK-LIFE PROBLEMS
My boyfriend works as a broker and booze is a big part of his (and our) lives. We all love a drink or two with mates after work, but he drinks at lunch and gets smashed at least three times a week. He comes home at 4AM and wakes me up, then when I get furious he swears he’ll cut down. He’s only doing what his mates are, it’s a boozy culture, but it seems like a lot. What should I do – walk out? Molly, solicitor, 29
WHEN does a person who likes a drink have a real problem and when is it just having fun? You are far from alone in worrying about this question – especially among women who, according to experts, are usually the first to spot drinking problems both in themselves and in others.
Whether or not your boyfriend is a real alcoholic, in the AA sense of the term, or a “functioning” alcoholic, might be first question to ask before you evaluate whether you want to stay with him. Out of 10.5m regularly drinking adults in the UK, only 1.1m are considered alcoholics. The rest are known as “invisible drinkers” – the functional ones like you, me and your boyfriend, who don’t miss work or drive drunk or let drinking get in the way of familial duties. Yet such people may still be drinking a bottle a night or more, which is many times over the government guidelines of 21 weekly units for men (14 for women). On weekends, such “good time” drinkers might reach 50 units in a single day.
My guess is that your boyfriend fits into this category. On this guess, he has a problem, but it’s not easily defined as “alcoholism.” Still, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that he may also have a more serious problem, and this comes down to how much he depends on booze. It might be that he just drinks because it’s on offer and his friends do, and it gets out of hand because he doesn’t have much self-control. But maybe he can’t face getting through a night without getting drunk, or doing business without it. This, say therapists, is drinking for emotional reasons and is the most dangerous type. It can be addressed, though, with various forms of therapy.
As his girlfriend, you might suggest he go and look properly at the problem. He is free not to do so, but then he’ll lose you. It’s his choice and I suggest you put it to him clearly, though supportively, asap.
Got a problem? Email [email protected]