Planet Crypto: Could Binance’s CZ be a Bond villain?
This week, those satirical sharpwits at Planet Crypto have honed their comedy pencils on the bizarre saga between Binance chief Changpeng ‘CZ’ Zhao and FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried.
A crazy, twisted story. You couldn’t make it up. Actually, Planet Crypto did make it up. It’s just a bit of fun…
So this week, the man who is definitely NOT-a- Bond-Villian – Changpeng Zhao – was fuming after FTX’s Sam Bankman-Fried suggested crypto regulation.
In an apparently vindictive response, CZ’s Binance liquidated all its holdings in Sam Bankman-Fried’s FTX.
But CZ is still not happy.
“This is not what I asked for. I asked for Sam Bankman-Fried to be liquidated!” he fumed, cackling evilly as he stroked the white cat on his lap.
“I expect Mr Bankman-Fried to be… [pause for dramatic effect] …liquidated….. HAHAHAHA!!
“But my stupid henchmen… sorry, my minions – NO! Not minions! …er, my stormtroopers?… no, not them, my, erm – asset managers – yes, that’s it – my asset managers – got it wrong. And just sold some silly tokens.
“What does Number One – sorry, what does my Head Asset Manager – think I bought my diamond-powered laser for? It’s just gathering dust in the basement. Gah!”
It’s not the first time CZ’s “asset managers” got commands wrong.
“We only offered to buy FTX in the first place, because my henchm- er, ASSET MANAGERS – misunderstood a previous instruction.
“Then, I said I enjoyed the thought of roasting Central Bankers on a spit, saying: “I like my Bankmen fried.” The stupid minions – no, No, NOT minions! …er, Asset Managers – misheard me; thought I said ‘I like Bankman-Fried’ and ended up buying 22,999,999 FTT. FFS!
“So instead of them immolating the SEC, they made Sam Bankman-Fried rich. ‘Curses!
“I might have to throw a few of my foot soldiers, ahem, ‘asset managers’ – into my piranha pool – that might sharpen their game up.’
Ernst Stavro Blofeld was unavailable for comment.