Planet Crypto: Meta’s balance sheet is a real Halloween horror show
The Planet Crypto team have had the Ouija board out again. Just for fun…
Creatures of the Night reacted angrily this week, fearing that Meta’s horrific company results may upstage Halloween.
One headless horseman fumed: “I give up. I used to scare the beejesus out of everybody.
“But nothing is more horrific than Meta’s balance sheet. That REALLY makes investors wake up in a cold sweat screaming! Now, whenever I walk through the walls with my head under my arm in a Meta’s investors’ house… they just go ‘meh.’
“The tech firm’s accounts certainly made chilling reading, after losing $3.67 billion in the past quarter.”
An anonymous zombie also complained: “We can’t compete. We deliver horror one night a year. But Zuckerberg is delivering a nightmare 24/7.”
Freddie Krueger himself was particularly irate.
“Nightmare on Elm Street can’t compete with the Nightmare on The Balance Sheet,” said the badly-burnt monster.
“I thought I was the king of slashers. But at Meta – it’s carnage… blood on the carpet, on the walls… this Zuckerberg has slashed the value by 70%.”
But not every ghoul was critical. Some supernatural horrors had words of praise for the Zuckernerd. Jack Skeleton said: “Got to hand it to him. He’s all trick and no treat. That’s commitment.”
Long range forecasters are predicting that Zuckerberg might upstage another festivity.
One said: “Thanksgiving may be reduced to an anti-climax. As the Meta Pro Quest headset is threatening to be the most enormous turkey the world has ever seen.”