PMQs sketch: Parliament turns into a school playground
Rishi Sunak prepares for battle with the ECHR over his plans to tackle the small boats crisis as Keir Starmer fluffs his lines. Jessica Frank-Keyes debriefs on today’s Prime Minister’s Questions.
Parliament may resemble the corridors of a minor public school at the best of times, but today there was a distinct school playground vibe to the chamber.
Amid a back and forth of insults and criticisms over the prime minister’s new bill to stop Channel crossings, speaker Sir Lindsay Hoyle was in fine headmasterly form.
His repeated invitations to MPs to leave the chamber in search of a “strong cup of tea” and to “save your voice for the rugby” were much in the manner of dealing with noisy schoolboys.
And his “it’s not my time you’re wasting, it’s yours” rebuke will be familiar to any teachers who may have been tuning in.
Greater Manchester MP Chris Clarkson only added to the educational aura, after admitting his mother was seated in the public gallery, in the manner of a proud parent at the class nativity play.
Readers may be wondering which of today’s participants took on the role of the three wise men – and who played the little donkey.
Cardboard crowns and tea towel headwear aside, the meat of the action dealt with the government’s Illegal Migration Bill – on which the PM was keen to make clear: there is simply no more room at Britain’s inn.
Out from behind his lectern, Sunak was robust in defending his plans for a Brexiteer vote-winning fight with the ECHR – sorry, checks notes, that should be “tackling the global migration crisis”.
Home secretary Suella Braverman nodded enthusiastically from the frontbench, in a similar vein to Priti Patel’s frequent smirking behind Boris Johnson.
Speaking of Johnson, Sunak stole a line directly from his old boss’ playbook as he branded Starmer “another lefty lawyer standing in our way”.
The Labour leader did not quite deliver a full-throated performance, stumbling over his opening accusation that the government had introduced “five plans to tackle ‘illigration’ – illegal immigration” in the last decade.
It’s not the issue the opposition wants to be talking about, with the tightrope the shadow cabinet are edging along only thrown into sharper relief by Starmer’s insistence that “nobody on this side of the house wants open borders”.
Sunak, for his part, was equally insistent that the bill would be passed as soon as he can get it through Parliament.
Good luck, as they say, with that.