Productivity lessons from the procrastinator Prime Minister

Can we assume, given that you’re reading this section of the paper, that you are currently delaying doing something you really ought to be focusing on?

I don’t mean to lecture you. I myself currently have an Oliver Spencer tab or two open on my browser. I spent most of last Wednesday Googling the viability of owning a pig in London. I’m putting off getting a real job by being a journalist.

We all procrastinate; our minds wander for the sake of sanity and clarity. Man wouldn’t have reached the moon if he hadn’t started playing with matches and petrol, while Isaac Newton would never have discovered gravity if he hadn’t been dossing around under an apple tree.

But that’s “good” procrastination, the inspirational kind. For some time now, the government has been engaged in inactivity and dithering that has led the UK no closer to a Brexit deal, and battered the value of the pound.

Procrastinate long enough, and people begin to notice, in Westminster as in the City. Be it backbenchers or line managers, you don’t want them peering over your shoulder. Before you know it, two years of talking a good game but achieving little will leave you with days to save your job, watched on by distinctly disgruntled colleagues.

You will be resented, and will leave with a worse reputation than your impulsive, cavalier predecessor who the office manager still grumbles about.

We are often told that successful people always have a plan: short, simple, and easy to stick to. Now, I’m not a mechanic from rural Alabama, but if I were, I would point to the lack of one, as I surveyed the wreckage of Theresa May’s premiership, reclining against a fence, and suggest “well there’s yer problem right there”.

As we near 2019, take the example of May’s two wasted years, and resolve to kick the habit of procrastination for good – for the sake of your happiness, and that of those around you.

Always make sure that you set clear targets. Nothing too radical (don’t try to bring back fox hunting all at once), and stick to the task in hand, like a proposal everyone in your firm will back.

Then, plan a short-term reward. Something good enough to keep you motivated. Tell yourself that if you get enough of this negotiation drafted by 12, you’ll get Yo Sushi for lunch. Don’t do something ridiculous though, like call a snap election.

If that isn’t motivation enough, try picturing the downside of your inaction. Whatever it is, it has to get done – if not by you, by someone else. Perhaps someone in your firm who you hate. Or maybe the client will hire a rival company for the job. You know, the one that has been trying to nationalise your business for years.

Remember, in the worst-case scenario, procrastination can lose you your job. No one else is hiring at the moment, and you aren’t cut out for the after-dinner speaking circuit.

I don’t mean to worry all you procrastinators out there. If you find yourself dithering over the BBC Sports page this afternoon, you aren’t alone.

But consider that, just two years ago, the Prime Minister had a parliamentary majority, the support of the country, and was roundly considered the strong, stable option to guide the country through turbulent times.

Procrastination has undone all that.