Rolls-Royce Cullinan Black Badge review: Night rider
The story goes that a certain Hollywood A-lister bought a new Rolls-Royce Ghost, then drove it straight to an LA custom shop to be ‘murdered out’. For the uninitiated (I had to Google it), this treatment makes a car look as stealthy and sinister as possible, with black paint, darkened chrome, tinted windows and a sportier stance.
When said celebrity returned to the showroom, it was politely suggested that Rolls-Royce could have done the ‘murdering’ in-house. The idea for Black Badge was born.
Today, 27 percent of Rolls-Royce sales are Black Badge models – and they have helped slash the average age of the marque’s customers to just 43. I drove the beguiling Ghost Black Badge last year and now, purely in the interests of consumer research, it’s the turn of the Cullinan. Did I mention I’m 43 years old? All I’m missing is the small matter of £306,935.
Back to Black
If any car benefits from a sprinkling of stealth, it’s the Cullinan. Rolls-Royce saloons have a stately elegance, but that doesn’t translate to the blockier, more functional silhouette of an SUV.
Here, dark chrome for the ‘Parthenon’ grille and Spirit of Ecstasy tone down the Black Badge’s rear-view-mirror presence a little, while polished 22-inch alloys and red brake callipers add a hint of sportiness. It still isn’t pretty, but name me an SUV that is.
My test Cullinan was painted a deep shade of Belladonna Purple – one of 44,000 off-the-shelf colours – which looks black unless caught by the sunlight.
Like an Ozwald Boateng suit, it’s much jazzier on the inside, with carbon fibre veneer on the dashboard and acres of peacockish violet and white leather swathing the seats. I enjoyed the playful contrast, but would choose something a little less ‘Ribena’.
A digital detox
While less exalted luxury cars are increasingly stuffed with screens and baffling layers of tech, Rolls-Royce keeps things refreshingly simple.
There’s infotainment, of course – a reskinned version of BMW iDrive – but also traditional dials, tactile rotary controls and chrome organ stops for the air vents.
Some Cullinans have two individual rear chairs separated by a champagne fridge; mine had a three-abreast bench, plus a pair of fold-out ‘Viewing Suite’ seats beneath the boot floor. They’re perfect for posh picnics.
Low, not slow
My first journey was a cross-London crawl from Croydon to Camden. Hardly the stuff of road-test dreams, admittedly, but few cars could make those 14 miles so painless. The Cullinan glides away from junctions with the serenity of a yacht casting off to sea, its creamy 6.75-litre V12 so hushed you could be driving an EV.
The steering is fingertip-light and the huge wheels seem to squeeze the road into submission. By the time I arrive, both my passengers are fast asleep.
So far, so reassuringly Rolls-Royce, but what about that ‘subversive’ Black Badge attitude? Well, an extra 29hp (for 600hp in total) helps propel nearly 2.7 tonnes to 62mph in a brisk 5.2 seconds. And pressing the discreet ‘Low’ button makes the automatic ’box shift up to 50 percent quicker, and holds onto each gear for longer.
Flaps also open in the exhaust tailpipes, amplifying the engine’s voice to a subtle snarl.
Night rider
In truth, the Cullinan still can’t thwart physics and blitz a B-road like an Aston Martin DBX707 or Porsche Cayenne Turbo GT. Still, ‘sporty’ SUVs are fundamentally a contradiction in terms – so does that really matter?
As I cruised home late at night, a heated armrest under each elbow and the Shooting Star roof liner twinkling overhead, I wasn’t unduly concerned. The Black Badge might look murdered-out, but it still doesn’t breach the peace.
Tim Pitt writes for Motoring Research
PRICE: £306,935
POWER: 600hp
0-62MPH: 5.2sec
TOP SPEED: 155mph
FUEL ECONOMY: 18.7mpg
CO2 EMISSIONS: 343g/km