The Capitalist: AI Jesus, banter bans and tales from the Westminster Arms
Banter bans, AI Jesus and tales from the Westminster Arms; catch up on the latest gossip in this week’s edition of The Capitalist
SHEPHERD NEAME’S WARNING
Last month, punters gathered at the Westminster Arms to mark the reopening of the popular parliamentary watering hole after an extensive refurb by owners Shepherd Neame. Chief exec Jonathan Neame, of the venerable Neame family of brewers, related a story that had some attendees spitting out their bitters.
Apparently, while electricians were rewiring the bar, one accidentally cut the cord to the historic division bell, one of only a handful still functioning outside the Palace of Westminster. To the careless sparky’s surprise, within moments armed police burst into the boozer, searching for victims. They had been alerted to the broken connection with the House of Commons, and feared MPs were under attack.
Neame’s staff were quick to reassure officers that all was well. Rather than any terrorists, the brewer’s smooth Kentish ales were the biggest threat to getting politicians safely back to parliament.
AI-MIGHTY FATHER
The Capitalist’s inbox can often feel a godless place, so a Easter-hooked pitch for ‘AI Jesus’ felt like a call from above. Even better, it’s a call over desktop with a 3D avatar of Christ, who, thanks to the miracle of generative AI, will answer any question you ask in poetic, biblical verse at www.aiJesus.live, complete with a product recommendation. Asked how to get Britain growing again, AI Jesus told The Capitalist increased GDP would come “not from frantic striving, but from planting seeds of innovation”. AI-men.
JINX, YOU’RE IT
The Capitalist would like to offer its congratulations to Morning Wire’s own Guy Taylor, who yesterday landed a mention from the esteemed Second Mentions X-formerly-known-as-Twitter account for his inventive AA moniker: “the breakdown giant.” The esoteric social media profile, which exists to celebrate the “wonderful descriptive ability of the world’s journalists”, celebrates hacks’ abilities to avoid repeating the same name twice in a single story. Other highlights this week include “the symmetry-loving filmmaker” for Wes Anderson and “the terracotta-topped troubadour” in place of Ed Sheeran. Here at Morning Wire we could refer to our colleague as “the scoop-getting suit-averse journo” – but we’ll stick with Guy.
BANTER POLICE DEPLOYED
As Morning Wire reported this week, efforts are underway in the House of Lords to torpedo the so-called “banter ban” in Labour’s Employment Rights Bill. Clause 20 puts a burden on employers to protect staff from ‘indirect harassment’ – which could include overhearing opinions they don’t like or agree with. Pushed on the absurdity of this law, transport minister Lillian Greenwood told Times Radio that while “people would expect to be able to have private conversations” they ought to be carried out “in a way that isn’t going to affect the rights of other people to work in a safe and secure environment”. That’s quite the caveat. The Capitalist regularly encounters offensive opinions in the Square Mile – “suit shorts are acceptable” – but these kinds of outrageous views shouldn’t lead to legal action. Actually wearing suit shorts, on the other hand…
‘IT WAS AN ACCIDENT’
TV stations hoping for repeat guests should always monitor their use of subtitles. That may be the lesson learned by the production team at TalkTV, who this week had some choice messaging for shadow justice secretary Robert Jenrick. See above.