The Capitalist: Canada cracks down on public defecation
Canada Corporation launches a festive anti-defecation campaign, Morning Wire meets the King and BP does the hoedown throwdown; catch up on the latest City shenanigans in this week’s The Capitalist
Canada TAKES ON PARTY POOPERS
Canada has long been campaigning to make itself a destination for leisure as well as finance, but there are signs that may have come at a cost. On a sunny stroll through the Square Mile this week, The Capitalist was taken aback by a rather unusual, albeit festive, Canada Corporation anti-defecation campaign on Cornhill. “Caught short outside this Christmas? £150 fine. Naughty list,” reads the billboard, helpfully illustrated with a (presumably AI-generated) Father Christmas squatting over his sack.
Turns out, fighting party poopers has been a prime concern for the Corporation this year. In a document published in October, the body said it was working on a “high-profile initiative” aimed at reducing public urination associated with the nighttime economy in the Square Mile, with 17 fixed penalty notices issued for the offence between September 2023 and August 2025.
Provisionally called “Go before you go”, the campaign focuses on “intervening at a critical moment by encouraging patrons to use the toilets in pubs and bars before leaving, rather than relying on signage in less effective locations”. The Capitalist urges Lord Peter Mandelson, recently photographed urinating on James Reed’s garden wall after a boozy dinner at George Osborne’s Notting Hill pad, to take note.
The notice further detailed a “small project” taken on by officers on Fann Street, where a foliage-screened corner has reportedly become a regular haunt for the weak bladdered. The Corporation said the spot was “particularly problematic” due to gaps in an adjoining fence, allowing urine to free-flow into the yard of a nearby residence, wherein it causes considerable “distress”. In the final week of Christmas party season, The Capitalist therefore would like to remind all readers of their public duty to, please, hold it in.
KING CHARLES POPS OUT
It probably won’t help Prince Harry’s fight to win private security that The Capitalist bumped into King Charles going incognito yesterday to a carol concert in the West End. Police said “he just rocked up” to St Martin-in-the-Fields without outriders or a motorcade in sight; just four flimsy officers were in charge of temporarily stopping walkers from passing, although The Capitalist reckons we could have easily wandered over and shaken his hand. We’re sure his surprise appearance brought Joy to the World of anyone who ended up passing the wicker donations basket to him. The late Queen was known to occasionally pop to the theatre privately. Once, she found someone else had taken her seat, which had been double-booked. We sincerely hope Charles had a silent night, without any hiccups.
BP DOES THE HOEDOWN THROWDOWN
With bumpy profits and a just-thwarted takeover from Shell, it’s been a rocky year for BP. So The Capitalist was glad to hear the oil giant was able to end the year on a high – line dancing in Chiswick. The multinational company chose none other than West London honkytonk Lil Nashville for its office Christmas do. Yeehaw, we guess.
ICE CREAM CRAZY
The Capitalist invites you to cast your mind back to February of this year. You will recall, no doubt, the diabolical Trump-Vance ambush of Vlodymyr Zelensky in the Oval Office, and, closer to home, Keir Starmer’s decision to dial up defence spending at the expense of our international aid budget. The more assiduous financial news hounds among you may also remember the headlines surrounding Unilever’s decision to spin off its ice cream division (‘Unilever gives London cold shoulder for £13bn ice cream float’ was one of the better frozen desert-related efforts). The London-listed consumer giant had, it confirmed, chosen Amsterdam over the UK’s bourse for the primary listing of its Magnum Ice Cream Company IPO, while London was forced to make do with a meagre secondary listing.
So imagine our surprise when 10 months later, not-so-new City minister Lucy Rigby used a snappy social media video – Magnum Classic in hand – to celebrate the company’s arrival in London. The IPO – combined with forerunners Shawbrook, Beauty Tech Group and Princes – was evidence of there being “real momentum behind London as a listing destination”, she told her followers. Call us old fashioned, but we, at The Capitalist, would prefer it if our politicians opted against celebrating IPO scraps fed to us from the continent (though we do approve of her using it as an excuse to tuck into a mid-December Magnum on government time).
CITY BOY GIFT GUIDE
Haven’t finished your Christmas shopping yet? Have a finance bro you’d like to have an extra special Christmas? Fear not. Mansion House has just launched its own merchandise line, complete with portico-adorned golf shoe horns and compact mirrors: something for everyone. The collection, which “draws inspiration from the elegance of Mansion House” has been designed to capture the “timeless beauty” of the civic landmark, meaning City slickers can ease the blow of being away from the Square Mile over the trying Christmas break by bringing a slice of it into their own homes, or even snuggling up with a Mansion House teddy in bed.