VEXED IN THE CITY
I’m a lawyer and I want to ask out a trainer at my gym
DEAR VEXED: I really fancy a trainer at my gym. I want to ask him out but I’m afraid of what my colleagues will think. Many of them go to the same gym, but also I’m afraid it would appear odd to date someone who isn’t professional in the sense that we are. I’m fairly new here and keen to make a good impression. Mary, 33, commercial barrister
FANCY the trainer, eh? And he’s not even your trainer. Anyway, your message sounds like it’s full of shame that is both sexist and woefully elitist. If a male colleague of yours asked out a fittie at the gym, it would just be funny information that nobody did anything with apart from chuckle at from time to time. Men do that sort of thing all the time: it’s normal. Yes, it can lead to a certain reputation if the boss only dates floozies but mostly, it’s not a big deal.
Yet you seem to think that for you to do it would be a catasrophe that would make you a laughing stock and possibly even less respected. Well, you know perfectly well that nobody at work would have the right to be rude to you or treat your work with less respect based on who you choose to date outside. The key – as with all matters relating to love – is discretion. Especially in this case where, as you say, it could be faintly awkward trying to initiate a romance under the watchful, fun-poking eyes of your colleagues.
But frankly, who cares? Nobody will see if you run into him, chat to him every now and then, and then ask him out.
At a gym there are always countless opportunities for harmless number and email address gathering. Ask if you could arrange a consultation session because you’re just not reaching your goals at the moment – that’s a good way to secure his details. and if he says yes to a drink then you can meet far away from work and nobody will be the wiser. And if people find out, just admit you’re seeing him. Trying to cover something up is not the way forward.
As for the snobbery you describe, if anyone implies they’ve really got a problem with your man because he isn’t a lawyer, banker or doctor, then that is a fairly embarrassing state of affairs, not for you but for them.
If you sniff any of that brand of sentiment, just ask if you’re correct in thinking they look down on someone just because they work at a gym. It’ll be blushes all round.