Why are so many people abandoning sex toys on the Tube?
Last year the number of bedroom gadgets found on the transport network increased by 30 per cent. James Ford has some questions…
There is a moment every year that I look forward to. Not, perhaps, as much as Christmas….but it’s close. It is, of course, the moment when some bored journalist at the Evening Standard submits a freedom of information request to the TfL lost property office. Now, I am not saying that I am a sad, anorak-wearing nerd (though many others have) but this single release of information is always a joy. It is a treasure trove of the weird and wonderful; a snapshot of the real London. What we leave behind says a lot about us, as any archaeologist will tell you.
And what was the most newsworthy discovery from the lost property office in 2025? Was it the 88 wigs that were found? No (though, as a bald man myself, the mind boggles that so many of my fellow slapheads are quite so absent minded!) Was it the two pairs of false teeth? Again, no. Surely it must be the urn of ashes then? No, wrong again! It is, of course, the 26 sex toys that were recovered from across the transport network. (For reference, it is ALWAYS the sex toys!)
Described as a “staggering number” by the Evening Standard in one of its more pearl-clutching moments, this would be a “stop press” moment in itself. But you’ve got to hand it to the chaps in the TfL Lost Property Office because they have kindly provided further information. So, we therefore know that this year’s total number of lost and found erotic items is 30 per cent higher than last year’s total (a paltry 20… not that you asked). We know that the top station for abandoned sex toys is Shenfield (four were found there). We also know that whilst 21 of these items were recovered in a bag or container (the bare minimum that modesty would require, I would have thought), a shocking five were found au natural. And, in what is surely the most shocking revelation, no fewer than six (23 per cent) were reunited with their owner (a substantial increase on the 10 per cent that were reclaimed in 2024). Those must have been some very awkward conversations at the lost property office customer window!
Lube on the Tube
Of course, all this leaves us with many more questions than answers. Why Shenfield? Are the users of the Elizabeth Line just randier than the rest? Is it an Essex thing? More than ten times as many people use Waterloo station annually, yet it does not feature in even the top five locations for abandoned adult novelties. (Euston Station, Embankment, Tolworth Bus Depot and Tottenham Bus Depot are all in joint second place after Shenfield, if you were wondering, with two apiece).
But the biggest question that keeps running through my mind is perhaps a more fundamental one: where were people taking these devices to begin with? To their office? For a few drinks with friends? Or perhaps a nice night at the theatre? It is hardly as though one needs to take their Rampant Rabbit out for walks. My (admittedly limited) understanding is that these are things that most people keep at home and use at home.
More disturbingly, if these are merely the intimate aides that their owners dropped, forgot or mislaid, then how many people are happily carrying theirs about without losing them? Maybe there are more people carrying erotic accessories on public transport than we think. Maybe this is the new normal and more people have sex toys on them than don’t! Am I the weird one for not having a personal massager on me when using the tube?
Perhaps I should stop worrying. Maybe I should just be grateful that my fellow Londoners are sex positive; that we live in an age when people are so relaxed about their sexuality that they feel comfortable taking their pleasure products on their daily commute. You don’t have to be a degenerate pervert to live in London, but apparently it helps.
So, next time you board a bus, tube or train in the capital I want you to take a minute. Gaze around your carriage. And think to yourself: who here is carrying a sex toy? If you can’t spot an obvious suspect, then maybe it is you. Especially if you are at Shenfield.
James Ford was an advisor to former Mayor of London Boris Johnson