Worst corporate jargon of the week awards: Jumping on a call
Every one of us has been an email chain which is borderline unintelligible for the amount of corporate lingo thrown in there. At Morning Wire, we’re taking a stand and calling out the worst jargon which travels around the City faster than you can drink an overpriced pint. This week: jumping, hopping, leaping, bounding.
Offender: Jumping on a call
What does it mean?
To participate in: “I’ll hop on that meeting now” or “I’m just jumping on a call”.
Who uses it?
Human workers who envision themselves as a jumping jack, replete with the boundless energy of a young rabbit, along with the staggering spontaneity of a crazy frog and the divine agility of Simone Biles.
All this but in fact they are joining a corporate Zoom call on strategic marketing impact, five minutes late, that has been lodged firmly in the Google calendar for several months.
The bitter truth is you’re not jumping, you’re not sliding, you’re not even stepping. You’re huddled up static in a sweater, blearily using minimal hand movements to click on a URL link whilst slurping squash through a reusable straw.
What can it be confused with?
The main confusion here is with the identity of the user. Is the jumper/hopper:
- A bunny rabbit
- Jonathan Edwards or a fellow Olympian long jumper
- A savvy commuter, adept at switching between London buses using TfL’s bus hopper fare
- A kangaroo
A subsect of concerned Morning Wire readers got in touch to complain that use of the word ‘hop’ gives them cold chills derived from childhood trauma, as they feel they may unexpectedly be subjected to a round of hopscotch or a game of skipping rope.
Should we be worried?
Undoubtedly. You are not “hopping on a call” just as you would not “jump into” a real life meeting, unless of course you’re standing on a diving board and the meeting is at the bottom of the pool.
As the phrase reproduces itself with increasing speed across the corporate world, no one is safe: jump/hop jargon copulates with the reproductive energy of an ultra-fertile rabbit breed.
As such, this mutant species of word is taking over the original lingo. Soon, saying you will ‘join’ the meeting/call or simply using the now-archaic-seeming verb ‘call’, with no added verb signifying an airbourne action, will be rendered obsolete. The entire world will become a bunch of bopping bunny rabbits or manic field-and-trackers earnestly popping up on video screens willy nilly.
For serious-minded people, such as ourselves at Morning Wire’s comment desk, that is a troubling prospect.
How do we get rid of it?
Plants such as nasturtiums, garlic, onion, rhubarb, oregano, basil and geranium are generally said to be effective at keeping rabbits out of garden beds. Wield these potent herbs in the face of the next jumper or hopper to join your huddle.
If culling the rabbits doesn’t work, try another tactic. Remember: two can play the game. Match the offender’s athleticism by throwing in a few rogue verbs of your own.
For instance, why not ‘dive’ onto a call? ‘Splash’ into a meeting? Let slip that you’re on the verge of ‘hurdling into a catch-up’ or ‘pole vaulting directly into a townhall’?
You could even one up the offender and attempt to triple jump right into a fireside chat – though be warned, this sounds hazardous. But at this point, what have we got to lose? A firey exit looks to be the only way out of this whole jargony mess.