Worst corporate jargon of the week: The breakout
Every one of us has been an email chain which is borderline unintelligible for the amount of corporate lingo thrown in there. At Morning Wire, we’re taking a stand and calling out the worst jargon which travels around the City faster than you can drink an overpriced pint. This week: the breakout.
What does it mean?
Breakout is increasingly being used to indicate any splinter group or zone.
A breakout group is a smallish group of employees who have separated off from a larger group of employees, often at a meeting or workshop. The aim is to facilitate discussion, often in a less formal context.
A breakout zone is any area of an office not populated with rows of desks with computers. Sometimes there are cursed things called beanbags; sometimes a plant. Think of it as the territorial manifestation of the water cooler of yore. But painted in primary colours and thus presenting with even less dignity.
Who uses it?
Several sorry groups of people.
Firstly, the weary. These souless office workers have been miserable in corporatopia for so long they’ve convinced themselves they’re there under lock and key. For them, speaking of “breakouts” is a way to envision fantasies of escape, before they inevitably trudge back onto the corporate treadmill. Offenders often have an affinity for stripes, or orange jumpsuits.
Secondly, the deceivers. These managers act as if any time not spent upright at an office desk is a wild and unprecedented treat. A meeting? Just for fun. A coffee with a client? Akin to a social event. Likewise, leisure time lurches into labour. Lunch? Time for an update on Paul’s progress in statistical analysis. Toilet? Time for a brief conflab over the urinals. Commute? Time for a Whatsapp convo about HR policy. No time is sacred.
Thirdly, the deceived. Rather than indulging in fantasy, these obsequious worker bees genuinely find sitting on a beanbag discussing an upcoming investment report relaxing, stimulating and fun. Chilling.
What else could it be confused with?
- The Great Escape
- Shawshank Redemption
- Paddington 2
- An acute case of acne
- Eczema
Should we be worried?
Undoubtedly. The term encourages fragmentation and disaffection. We understand the corporate world is its own kind of prison filled with conmen and crooks but let’s face it, you’re in a Wework, not Alcatraz, and do you really want to cut free from your free barista? We didn’t think so. Fall back in line for your oat flat white and get hustling, sonny Jim.
How do we get rid of it?
Next time you find yourself in a so-called “breakout group”, insist there are too many participants and enforce breaking out into another breakout group from the breakout group. Repeat ad infinitum or until you are left by yourself (whichever comes first), then sit back and relax.
Alternatively, break out into song. Elvis’s Jailhouse Rock, perhaps? Or the 1960s classic Chain Gang by Sam Cooke?
This should be sufficiently alarming to have you excused from the exercise and should prevent repeat offences.