Worst corporate jargon of the week: Transform
Offender: Transform
Every one of us has been an email chain which is borderline unintelligible for the amount of corporate lingo thrown in there. At Morning Wire, we’re taking a stand and calling out the worst jargon which travels around the City faster than you can drink an overpriced pint. This week: transform.
What does it mean?
A remarkable and complete change in the character or appearance of a company or industry, especially so it is markedly improved.
What does it actually mean?
A company might have changed its primary font, or started using Zoom instead of Skype.
Who uses it?
Movers and shakers with a thirst for change. These revolutionaries took one step in the Square Mile and decided change was afoot.
The transformation projects taken on by these self-appointed changemakers tend to resist the showiness of a caterpillar-to-butterfly metamorphosis, opting instead for the subtleties of the chameleon – change unnoticeable to the human eye. Recent high-profile pioneers include the brains behind the transformation of Eurostar, which rebranded from Eurostar to Eurostar last year in a twist that took the transchannel commuting industry by storm. And they refused to rest, with news this January that they, in their own words, had “continued [their] transformation with new joint uniform accessories”, including “ties and neckerchiefs in the brand’s fresh colours – navy and plum”. Golly!
What could it be confused with?
- Optimus Prime
- A passive component that transfers electrical energy from one electrical circuit to another circuit
- Meaningful change
Should we be worried?
Undoubtedly. These gibbers think our Square Mile isn’t perfect as it is.
How do we get rid of it?
Offenders must be banished. The Square Mile is the best place in the world and we will defend its every flawless inch. Once expelled, these miscreants will hopefully get on with a long overdue job: transforming the rest of the world in the Square Mile’s image.