He gets all green-eyed when I go out networking
DEAR VEXED: I have been going to more and more work functions of late and my partner is starting to get suspicious/jealous. What should I do? Dara, 26, solicitor
OH dear. A?jealous boyfriend.?Jealous of what exactly, though? Of the prospect of your spending time out of his sight in the witching hours following work, and are therefore flirting and probably basking in the attention of a thousand other men? Men that are more successful, better looking and more charming than him?
Or jealous of what appears to be your burgeoning success at work?
Between the two of them, there seems to be plenty of grounds (not justified or rational, mind you) for his discontent.
If he’s the jealous type, and you know this, then I’d caution you to take his reaction to your life beyond him as a big red flag about his suitability as a partner. If he’s getting in a fluster now, what will be do when you get to a more critical point in your career, requiring evenmore hard work? You don’t want him adding counter-productive pressure to you when you need it all to keep afloat at work.
If he’s jealous of your professional success, that’s not good either. But it might be an understandable reaction if he is struggling at work. As for what you can do to smooth things over, be absolutely sure you’re available to listen to him. Do you even know what’s going on his life that could lead him to resent your nights out networking? If he’s having a tough time at work, or he’s just fallen out with his best friends, you need to show you care. Listen. Make him feel like even if you’re going through a busy patch, you’re there for him. Try creating a regular weekend night when the two of you can catch up, out of work’s reach.
Explain to him clearly and compassionately why all this networking is positive for your career and self esteem. You are not going out clubbing with hot men and he’s not invited.
In fact, you could suggest he join you at some of the events you go to. That would show you have nothing to hide and, when he predictably turns down your offer, he can hardly continue to complain.
I suspect that at the root of the problem is “fomo”, also known as “fear of missing out”. If his own life was as he wanted it, I don’t think there’d be any issues.
If he won’t recognise this, and takes it out on you, I’d start reconsidering.?But a bit of love and attention should do the trick.
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