What’s life really like as a politician’s wife on the campaign trail?
When James Cracknell told his wife he was standing as a Tory MP, she thought it would be all fetes and flyers. How wrong she was….
Melania Trump’s highly anticipated memoir is set to be released today. In a video released on 5 Sept, she promised to “share her perspective” and to “clarify the facts”. As one of the more private First Ladies, she is known for rarely appearing on the campaign trail. But the question is, will her book truly tell us what life is like when married to a politician?
The typical image of a politician’s wife is a smiling, well-dressed woman gazing adoringly at her husband. But that is a simple image that belies a far more complicated truth.
Already released excerpts from the book show the disagreement between her personal beliefs and her husband’s strong political actions. She’s commendably come out pro-abortion and discusses her disagreements regarding immigration with Donald Trump. And rightly so – a partner shouldn’t have to be a complete carbon-copy of the politician.
A partner shouldn’t have to be a complete carbon-copy of the politician
But Melania has been massively scrutinised, even when keeping an arguably low profile. At times, her absence has made the news. Will she delve into the relentless criticism the wives of politicians face, often about their appearance, weight and other irrelevant details? And what about the unwavering commitment and great sacrifice this role requires?
When my husband, James Cracknell, announced that he was going to run as a Tory MP in Colchester (disappointingly, he would end up losing to Labour), I thought the campaign trail to be mostly fairs, fundraising and flyers. How wrong I was.
To be fair, there aren’t a lot of resources or advice available to (potential and current) political spouses about what it’s really like. At the Conservative Conference this past week, I walked up to the Conservative Women’s booth and asked them this very question. “That’s a very good question, nobody has ever asked us that before” was the reply. Noted, I thought to myself.
A humbling experience
What being a politician’s wife during my husband’s campaign did end up being was an incredibly humbling experience with a steep learning curve. During the hours of canvassing, which could easily start at 7am and end around 9pm, one would come across both the best and worst of people. Constituents worried about healthcare, immigration and all had a common hatred for potholes. Some people would invite you in for a cup of tea, willing to learn about what your spouse believed in. Others would be verbally abusive and slam the door in your face. As a former New Yorker, I am used to this, but the lack of civil discourse was still unpleasant and dispiriting.
Everyone, on all sides, had an opinion about the role of the spouse and how involved they should be. What one person thought was “too much” was another person’s “too little”. These opinions would change like the tides, and so over time I personally chose to ignore them. I could only do my personal best.
Many times, especially towards the end, we all were exhausted. I truly believed in my husband, and thought he would be a good MP. I spent hours stuffing and delivering leaflets, even in the pouring rain. I played bingo with a 38 degree fever because the organisers were insistent I show up and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Germs be damned.
During times when James set up a booth on the high street, I organised balloons to create an eye-catching display. These could be fun for the most part, lots of supporters would enthusiastically come up to say hi. One time though, a man with actual scrambled egg on his face, heard my accent. “You need to educate yourself on UK politics!” was what he muttered, but he had also failed to mention what side of the political spectrum he was coming from.
I restrained myself except for the time a British Marxist came up and started quoting Putin to me.
As a New Yorker, I was often tempted to have a sarcastic quip in response to a provocation. But I restrained myself except for the time a British Marxist came up and started quoting Putin to me. As a woman of half Ukrainian descent, I made certain to express my opinions to him.
By the end, the process had made me more certain of who I was and what I believed in. I felt incredibly zen those last 48 hours in the leadup to the election. The process had reached such enormity by then, that it was out of any one person’s hands.
It is a tightrope of various catch-22’s throughout a spouse’s political career. Some people view the partner as an asset, others a threat due to the proximity of their husband’s ear. It can be an alienating journey, full of criticism and challenges. I hope Melania Trump’s book will give a much-needed peek into the lives of the many political partners who face this journey alone every year. I hope it highlights the need for more resources and support for partners, but mostly that it encourages people to withhold their judgement and criticism. We are doing the best we can.