Spitbank Fort: Welcome to the UK’s craziest hotel
Spitbank Fort is a granite maritime castle marooned in the home waters of The Solent, one mile out of Portsmouth harbour but a comfortable breast stroke swim from the Isle of Wight. It was built by Prime Minister Palmerston in 1878 to discourage Napoleon III in his ambitions of sailing the French fleet up the Channel to attack our south coast ports.
Fortunately the fort never had to fire a cannon in anger and was decommissioned in 1962. It has assumed many guises in its time from pirate radio station to an illegal rave centre, before it was snapped up by a swashbuckling entrepreneur who spent over £3m transforming this isolated watery stockade into Britain’s most gloriously eccentric hotel.
Skipping across white crested waves under Mediterranean skies, I arrived at the fort after a short rail journey from Waterloo to be greeted with a flute of Laurent Perrier and manager James Pike’s party trick – slicing the cork off the bottle of champagne with a single stroke of his sabre (he will tutor you in this Cossack skill if you wish).
Spitbank Fort hotel fire pit
For the adventurous bon viveur, Spitbank Fort offers an exhilarating experience that makes the Chiltern Firehouse, current hot spot for London’s beau monde elite, look like a dull night out at the local caff.
This island retreat, roughly the size of a cricket pitch, 60ft above the water line, has been developed into an exotic hotel and restaurant, with eight capacious bedrooms named after historic admirals all built around the old gun deck, an open air heated plunge pool protected from unfriendly winds by a glass screen and numerous bars decorated with naval references.
Spitbank Fort was built in 1878 to deter Napoleon III
What’s that in the Crow’s Nest bar? Oh, the propeller of a torpedo. There are also various telescopes, deep sea diver’s helmets, portholes with mirrors cut into them, ships bells – if it’s vaguely nautical, you’ll find it here.
Many come out for lunch just to spend the afternoon on this island retreat, with its panoramic views, splendid isolation and quirky character. It makes a great day out from London, just a short walk from Portsmouth station to Gunwharf, where a fast inflatable awaits to hurry guests to the fort.
A bedroom in Spitbank Fort hotel
I didn’t have time to pick up a fishing rod but many do and enjoy their just-caught sea bass grilled on the open-air barbecue as they watch the sun set over the Channel and wave to passing flotillas. The hardy have even been known to swim around the fort.
Right now it has an exclusive, hidden-away quality, but this could soon change; negotiations are well advanced for the cast of a trendy TV show, whose characters are usually to be found hanging out in le chic Londres, to film a special here. Get in quick.
The atmospheric Spitbank Fort hotel bar
For bookings and information visit amazingvenues.co.uk or call 0330 333 7222